|Posted by Beverley Anne Freeman on August 21, 2019 at 4:40 AM|
Relationships take up a lot of time in our lives, the average person will spend more than three quarters of their life in a relationship. Relationships can be wonderful and fulfilling but are also responsible for the majority of the pain we suffer in our lifetime. Most of the relationships that come to mind as you read this will be the romantic kind but many other relationships including those with our parents, children, siblings, friends and co-workers will also have a profound effect on you as you progress through life.
Initially nearly all relationships start of ripe, optimistic and full of hopes for future. Human beings love nothing better than the debate and discussion of how we can create our dream lives with another, we enjoy the closeness and intimacy of sex, the companionship of togetherness and finding our life partner is often the ultimate goal.
What is the purpose of relationships?
Although you may have an idea in your head driven and carved out by society, onset by religious ideals that a relationship should follow the stereotypical path of marriage and children; spirituality shares a different message. Spirituality teaches us that every connection with every human being we ever have, has a divine purpose or learning opportunity.
All relationships show us how much love we are capable of giving and receiving at any given time in our lives. Everything else is humanness and ego. Relationships show us our flaws, our healing requirements and are mirrors of what we are failing to see in ourselves.
When a relationship cause us to feel pain it’s because we are doing one or more of the following:
- When you expect a person to give you something, they haven’t got
- When you expect a person to be someone, they aren’t
- When you expect a person to do something they cannot do.
- Pain stems from your unpacked baggage that we inherited and mastered from our emotional pathology and thus creates expectations in our relationships.
- Pain comes from holding on to something which will never fulfill you.
- Pain comes from trying to learn how to stay in a relationship which you know you need to leave.
How we behave in relationships is developed in our formative years and with the bonding patterns we create with our primary caregivers. Bonding patterns are usually one of three types:
The Child - Created when they have an overprotective or overbearing parent. In a relationship you become the needy child, always craving love and attention. Relaying on your partner for emotional support and feeling unable to be alone in life.
The Parent - Created when a child learns very early on, they have to fend for themselves. When they grow up with a parent who is incapable of or too busy to look after them. You become the person who organizes their partner, supports and gives unconditionally with little regard for yourself or your needs.
The Critic - When one or more of the parents is critical (whether out of love and encouragement or otherwise) Always criticizing your partners, sometimes in way to encourage but ultimately finding the opposite effect.
Bonding patterns and pathology are a huge part of why we can’t seem to make a relationship work or find the right partner. If we don’t acknowledge, accept and heal these parts of ourselves we will never find peace or happiness.
Healing relationships starts with you….
As we attract into our life that which we need to recognize and heal in ourselves, if you are in a relationship which unhappy then you need to look within… and find out what types of behaviors and patterns exist:
To create a relationship of equality, we need to stop:
- I am responsible for my own happiness
- I am responsible for how I feel
- I am responsible for what I do and don’t do
- I am responsible for what I chose
- I am responsible for what is going on in my life right now.